


Eridan: Be Fabulous

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, F/M, Humanstuck, M/M, eridan is super fabulous, miss america pageant, miss universe pageant
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-25
Updated: 2014-08-04
Packaged: 2018-02-10 09:28:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2019915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What starts out as an innocent game of Truth-or-Dare quickly becomes much more when Dave dares Karkat to enter Eridan into a beauty pageant, which he bullshits but somehow wins, going on to the next competition. This happens time and time again, giving everyone quality entertainment. Meanwhile, Eridan starts to enjoy wearing the same four dollar fairy costume time and time again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Truth-Or-Dare

**Author's Note:**

> This might be two parts, it might be twenty. I don't know. But I think it will be hilarious. So I'm writing it.

"Hey, Karkat, come on," Dave Strider called to his boyfriend, adjusting his trademark shades. "The party started like an hour ago." Karkat Vantas ran up to Dave's car, a dark blue box in hand. "Do we have to show up?" he asked, annoyed. They were on their way to John Egbert's birthday party, and Karkat hated John. "Yes, we have to go," Dave replied. "Get in the car." Groaning, Karkat ran around to the passenger side and slid in next to Dave. Dave started driving, and soon they arrived at 413 Homestuck Street. John's huge house loomed over the line of cars already parked in the road, its wide, perfect lawn dotted with flower beds. Karkat got out of the car, waiting for Dave. Together, they walked up to the pretentious wooden double doors, Dave ringing the doorbell. "Hey guys!" John greeted them when he opened the door. "Hi, John," Dave answered as he and Karkat walked in. The giant house was already full of people from what Dave and Karkat could see. They walked into the crowd of people that they knew, sort of knew, and had never seen before, greeting a few familiar faces like Roxy Lalonde and Jake English. They soon found a group of their close friends talking and laughing, standing and sitting around a small table. "Hey, Dave. Karkat," Sollux Captor greeted them when he saw that they had arrived. John soon rejoined them and they started talking again, about what they had been doing and such. 

A little while later, Karkat left the group to go get some snacks. When he returned they were playing truth or dare. "Who would you rather date, Horuss or Cronus?" Jade Harley was asking Rose Lalonde. She was talking about Equius Zahhak and Eridan Ampora's brothers, respectively. Rose thought for a minute. "I don't really care, to be honest," she said. "I mean, I don't know either of them that well, so I guess Horuss? His name is cooler to say." Rose then turned to Dave. "Dave, truth or dare?" she asked him. "Dare," he answered as if it were the most obvious thing ever. "Okay. Ummm...." She paused, thinking. "I dare you to take off your shades." Everyone gasped. Nobody ever saw Dave without his sunglasses on. It was almost as if he were hiding his eyes. Karkat smiled internally. He knew why Dave always wore his sunglasses. He was just embarrassed of his red eyes, which Karkat would never understand. "Fine," Dave said. He pulled his glasses off to reveal that his eyes were closed tightly. "You never said I had to open my eyes with them off," he said, smiling. Everyone glared at him for finding a loophole, not that he could see. He put his glasses back on and opened his eyes again. "So, Karkat," he began. "Truth or dare?"

"Dare," Karkat replied. "I dare you to sign Eridan up for a beauty pageant," Dave said immediately. He had clearly been thinking this out. "What? Okay..." Karkat replied. "How do I sign him up from here, though?" Dave handed Karkat a sign-up sheet. "Miss Rosemary Beauty Pageant," he read from it. "Fill it out," Dave instructed. "You turn them in at some place I passed on the way to the store yesterday. I saw it and thought it would be perfect for Eridan." Eridan didn't seem so enthusastic. "And where do I agree to this?" he asked. "You don't," Dave told him as Karkat began filling out the form. Name: Eridan Ampora. Age: 23 years old. Experience with pageants: minimal. After Karkat had finished filling out the form and forced Eridan to sign it, they continued with their game, Eridan continuously grumbling about the pageant. "Lighten up, Eridan," Vriska Serket would tell him every time he complained about something. "They do have to accept it," Terezi Pyrope would point out. They soon got bored and split up, going off into the crowd of people. Karkat and Dave hung out with Aradia Megido and Sollux for a while, eating an assortment of snacks, pizza and dessert. Later, Nepeta Leijon and Equius hung out with them for a bit before Nepeta ran off to do who knows what. 

Around two in the morning Dave got tired of being at a party so he dragged Karkat, who was happy to leave, out to his car. Most people had already left and neither of them had had much to drink so they didn't have to worry about driving. On their way home, Dave stopped at the place to turn in the form, which they left in the mailbox. When they got home, Karkat collapsed on the couch not out of tiredness, but just for the sake of getting home and collapsing on a couch. Dave sat down next to him and put his arm around Karkat, who curled up closer to Dave. "I'm just gonna go to sleep right here," Karkat mumbled, wrapping his arms around Dave. Dave smiled and pulled his sunglasses off, placing them next to him on the couch. "Then so am I," he said, closing his eyes.

A few days later, Karkat was sitting in his room when his phone rang. It was Eridan, he saw when he picked it up. "Sup, SGF?" he asked when he answered. "Karkat, I am NOT pleased with you." "Huh?" Karkat had no idea what Eridan was talking about. He soon found out. "The stupid fashion show  _accepted_ your stupid entry form!" Eridan was clearly very mad, so it took all of Karkat's strength to not burst into laughter. "Oh..." he said, trying and failing to sound reassuring. "Well, you have to do it...." He was so close to laughing. "Excuse me a moment...." Karkat hung up and immediately exploded into a fit of laughter. Dave ran into the room. "What?" he asked. "They fucking accepted Eridan's form!" Karkat laughed. "What? Really?" Dave laughed. Karkat nodded since he was laughing so hard he couldn't get any other words out. Dave, too, began to laugh his ass off. "I'm calling Sollux," Karkat finally managed to say. He dialed Sollux's number and waited for him to answer, still laughing just as hard as two minutes ago. Sollux answered around the third ring. "What's so funny?" he asked when he heard Karkat's laughter. "Eridan....." he began. "Pageant......" he was still laughing. "Accepted....." Sollux was silent for a moment, then realized what Karkat was trying to say. "What? No..." he began to laugh too. Karkat heard "Hey, AA," before Sollux hung up. Dave fell backwards onto the bed, still laughing. "They... God, how did that happen?" he said. "No idea," Karkat said. "No idea."


	2. Miss Rosemary Beauty Pageant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eridan picks out his outfit for the Miss Rosemary Beauty Pageant and tries to lose the pageant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like the writing for this is a little bit shitty, but I don't care because it is an awesome prompt, I guess you could call it, though I did come up with it. So yeah. There is now a second chapter.

"Why are _we_ bringing Eridan to pick out his dress again?" Dave asked, tying his shoe. "It was the only way I could convince him to actually go to pick one out," Karkat sighed. Dave stood up and they walked out to Dave's car. "Why is he getting a dress if he's going to bullshit it anyway?" Dave asked halfway to Eridan's house. "I don't know!" Karkat answered. When they got to Eridan's house, only Karkat got out of the car, running up to Eridan's front door. Eridan answered the door almost immediately, though he didn't look happy. "Hey,  _Kar,_ " he snapped. "Woah, Eridan" Karkat replied. "Chill." They walked back to Dave's car, Karkat getting into the front seat while Eridan slid into the back. "Hello, Dave," Eridan grumbled. "Hey," Dave replied, ignoring Eridan's tone. He backed out of Eridan's driveway and started heading towards the mall.

Once they got to the mall, Dave and Karkat followed Eridan. He went to a few stores, mostly department stores, then decided to go to a toy store. In the toy store he found exactly what he needed- a pink-and-purple pair of fairy wings and a purple fairy dress that were probably meant for a six-year-old girl. Somehow, the store had his size. "Done," he said after checking out. "Okay," Dave replied. The three of them went out to Dave's car and drove Eridan home.

 "I can't believe Eridan is really doing this," Dave laughed as he and Karkat followed the rest of their friends to the seats at the pageant. "What I can't believe is that we're actually going to endure all these stupid acts of girls looking pretty just to watch Eridan make a fool of himself," Karkat said. They sat down in the big auditorium and waited for the show to start.

Eridan went towards the end of the show. None of his friends, except maybe Kanaya or Rose, were paying attention to the pageant and were quietly talking or texting each other. When they heard, "Next, Eridan Ampora!" they all looked up to see Eridan in the stupid fairy dress and wings along with his purple-and-fuschia striped scarf he often wore. He walked out with a really wierd walk, and it didn't take long for Karkat to realize he was trying to get last place. The entire crowd was laughing, and Karkat did have to admit, he looked pretty fabulous. 

 Only a few girls went after Eridan. Once everyone had gone they did awards. Girls who actually looked pretty good got third and second, and the judges said what they had liked. Since it was all very praising, nobody expected what came next. "And the winner of the Miss Rosemary Beauty Pageant, the one who will be going on to the county pageant, is.................................................. Eridan Ampora! "What?" Karkat almost shouted. "Your dress was simply fabulous," one judge said. "The wings were a fantastic touch," commented another. Eridan was presented with a sash and a flower crown. He looked genuinely flattered, not to mention surprised. "What do you have to say, Eridan?" one woman asked him. "I-I... I have no words," he said. "No words."

After the awards, Dave and Karkat drove Eridan home. Once he had left, they cracked up. "How the hell did he _win_?" Karkat asked. Dave, shaking his head, replied, "No idea." Even after they got home, they just sat in the car, shaking their heads in disbelief. _  
_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow  
> i felt that that was amazing.  
> Just fyi even if I don't update this that often it's because I'm working on like 3 other stories plus an rp I might make into a story so yeah sorry if this stays 2 chapter for a week


	3. Chapter 3: How Did This Even Happen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eridan wins more pageants and is in denial that he likes it.

"Hey, Eridan," Dave called out the window of his car at the grumpy-looking hipster. Eridan walked over to the car, opening the door and getting in. "Hey," he pouted.  "Aw, don't be sad," Dave replied. "You're a winner!" Eridan glared at the blonde. "That really wasn't funny," Karkat sighed from the passenger seat. "Okay, fine, whatever. We're also picking up Feferi and Jade," Dave said to the now-silent, probably very pissed-off pageant queen.

\-----------------

"How the hell did that happen?" Everyone was staring at Eridan, who looked absolutely furious at the fact that he somehow managed to win the Miss Yuba County pageant and was going to compete in the Miss California pageant. "Like honestly, how could anyone possibly let you win?" Eridan didn't answer whoever had asked, just stormed off, probably to his dressing room.

\-----------------

"Fef, help." 

Feferi raised an eyebrow when she heard that. "Why do you need my help, Eridan?" she asked. "I like doing these pageants."

"What?!" 

"I just... they're fun!"

"Reel-y?" 

"Yeah." 

Feferi turned away from him, walking out of the room and, judging by the other doors Eridan heard her open and close, out of his house. He looked down. "I have a problem..." he said to himself. 

\----------------

"Congratulations Eridan Ampora, you are the new MISS CALIFORNIA!!!!" 

A large section of the audience (actually a fractional part; fifteen people is not that many at a state pageant.) completely cracked up, seeing their friend win  _again_ with literally the exact same fairy dress and old-timey striped bathing suit and crap magic act he had tried to lose with the first time. Somehow, the rest of the pageant-goers were clapping politely as if they thought Eridan was a legitimate participant. 

The thing that was funniest to his friends was that he accepted the sash with a wide smile, a type nobody had ever seen him fake before. Only Feferi knew that he was actually enjoying it, but even she laughed just as hard as the rest of their friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has continually gotten worse in quality. Enjoy.


End file.
